


Tethered

by killaidanturner



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: AU-Everyone Lives/No One Dies, Durincest, Fili's PoV, Fix-It, M/M, Stream of Consciousness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-31
Updated: 2015-05-09
Packaged: 2018-03-20 15:08:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,584
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3654885
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/killaidanturner/pseuds/killaidanturner
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fili is in love with Kili when they start out on the quest to reclaim Erebor. This is a stream of consciousness told from his PoV during their time together.</p><p>You are pressed close to me, I can feel your heat through my clothes, your legs touching mine. Even if I try to move away just a little you manage to still find me. It is like an unseen force pulls you towards me even when you are not conscious. It is a blessing and a curse. What I wouldn’t give to be able to reach out and wrap my arms around you, feel your waist under my fingertips. Push your clothes up just a little so I can feel your skin against mine. Would it feel like dragon fire?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. True North

**Author's Note:**

> massive thanks to [baggvinshield](http://www.baggvinshield.tumblr.com) for being the beta for this when she already has a slew of fanfics to beta for others and I shove my way in with durincest
> 
> I felt an immense need to write this because Fili is my favorite character and I spend a lot of time doing character analysis for him so I decided to write what it would have been like from his stream of consciousness. This fic does involve Durincest, it mainly focuses on how Fili is coping on being in love with Kili. I'll also explore how he feels about being next in line to the throne. Just pretty much all the Fili you could ever want in your whole entire life. 
> 
> This will be three chapters. Chapter One following AUJ, Chapter Two following DoS, and Chapter Three following BotFA.

I saw the look in your eye when Thorin came to us that night. Kíli, my Kíli....we have never seen the stones of Erebor, walked the halls as princes or grew up the way we should. Instead we were cast out before we even came to be. I grew up as Prince to the throne, day in and day out of Princely duties. But how much of a prince could I be without a kingdom?

Thorin would always say that one day I would rule under the mountain and I always imagined you by my side. I never pictured a wife or anyone really, it's always been you. It is in my blood to go on this quest, I believe the same way that it is in yours. I have a responsibility to our people, to the line of Durin to follow Uncle to the ends of the earth to reclaim Erebor. But you, you don't have to go, it is not your responsibility and you are far too young. Do you realize the weight of what this is? How it sits on your shoulders? Do you feel it pressing down on you yet?

I can't even say we will come back. You agreed to it before you even took a breath. Whatever reasoning I may have thought that I could have said to Thorin, whatever qualms I might have had left me right there. I could never go without you. If you are going and I can follow then I will be with you but I prefer to be leading the way. It is my duty to protect you as your brother. But it is something more than that, something that is embedded in me, woven into every fiber of me. That is when I realized that you come first, you always have. I would put you before the Lonely Mountain, before our forgotten gold. What kind of Prince does that make me? That I would trade Erebor if it meant you are safe? I will go on this quest, if not to reclaim Erebor but to protect you. I must never tell anyone of the thoughts that crossed my mind in that moment and the place that I realized you hold.

 

* * *

 

We split up with Thorin after Ered Luin. I do not know where he is going and it is no business of mine to ask what the king is doing. It is just you and me on our way to the Shire to meet the wizard and a burglar for our company. I have never been to Bree, or anywhere really. We have always been by the close protection that Ered Luin could provide. I do not doubt that we will get there safely, we are just two dwarves passing through towns. I saw the flicker in your eyes when Thorin said he would be meeting us in the Shire. His gaze will not be following you on the beginning of this journey, I know you will love the freedom. I am just imagining you, how you will look when we start out tomorrow. How your smile will reach your eyes. I love you most in the moments. The weight of our lineage does not weigh on you the way it does on me. I think some people expect you to be just as brooding as Uncle but there are times when you do not seem to have a care in the world and it’s in those moments I wish I could give you everything just to see that smile every day of my life.

 

* * *

 

I was right. You have been completely rambunctious the whole journey and we are only half way to the meeting spot. You keep trying to sidetrack me. I keep reminding you, _Kíli we will be late if you do not stop this. We cannot stop for every one of your whims._ Even as the words left me I knew that they sounded weak.

_But Fee, I can hear a waterfall!_

I thought you were going to fall off of your horse. You laid back with your arms outstretched staring at the sky like it would be the death of you if I did not let you go. _Well I guess we should bathe, we have not crossed a town in days._ You sat up at this and smiled at me, the corners of your eyes crinkling. Do you know what that does to me? You must, for you do it all the time and my heart aches in my chest.

 

* * *

 

It was hard to look at you, like you are only my brother as you dove into the water. Strands of your hair dripping water onto your bare chest, sunlight glistening off of you. I had to look away, your beauty is too much for me to handle at times. I could feel my heart pounding all the way into my throat, my breathing heavy. Do you hear how I sound? You would think I was a dwarrowmaiden writing a love poem to her One.

 

* * *

 

We have arrived in the shire. The hobbit is smaller than us. I have never seen this race before and talk about them is not common. I see how doubtful Thorin is over the Wizard’s choice. It causes doubt in me as well.

 

* * *

 

You are asleep next to me on the floor of this hobbit’s home. It took you ages to fall asleep, I had to convince you to smoke a second pipe to calm your nerves from too much excitement. You are pressed close to me, I can feel your heat through my clothes, your legs touching mine. Even if I try to move away just a little you manage to still find me. It is like an unseen force pulls you towards me even when you are not conscious. It is a blessing and a curse. What I wouldn’t give to be able to reach out and wrap my arms around you, feel your waist under my fingertips. Push your clothes up just a little so I can feel your skin against mine. Would it feel like dragon fire?

 

* * *

 

Your horse never strays too far from mine. I wonder if they are drawn to each other as well.

 

* * *

 

We are always scouting, always the ones to go hunting for the company. Balin said it is because our eyesight is the best. I don’t really mind though, it is a chance to be alone with you. You are a much better hunter than you give yourself credit for. The woods outside Ered Luin have proved to be sufficient training grounds. You let the arrow fly, always finding its target. You are so determined in those moments, I don’t think I have ever seen you focus that much before. Surely not during council meetings that Thorin calls, nothing but royal duties.

Do you remember the time we were at the table, and you had just started doing patrols with the guards. Thorin wanted to do a briefing of what the patrol had seen the past year so you knew what you were going to be getting yourself into. You had fallen asleep at the table, your head lolled back onto the chair. I immediately noticed while it took Uncle a little longer. He was furious that you could not handle yourself more appropriately. You listened to him while he raised his voice, your back straight. You left the room when he dismissed you and I immediately followed. He did not ask for me to come back nor do I believe he expected me to. You were so upset.

_Mahal, Fee, I can’t seem to do anything right. I can’t be like you._

At first when you were sleeping at the table I thought it was one of the most endearing things I had ever seen, I did not expect it to turn into this.

_No one is expecting you to be._ Was this common? Did our kind really think this?

_Yes they are!_ You screamed it at me, your hands going to the air. I had never seen you this upset, not in years at least. You always took everything in stride, brushing problems off of your shoulders and letting them figure themselves out or having me figure them out for you. It was then that I realized you had more pain in your heart than you let on. I vowed then to make sure that no one wished that you were like me. I needed everyone to know that you are your own person with much different qualities than my own. By Aule I swear you would probably even be a better king than me. You left me then, going out into the woods on your own. Every part of me was screaming to go after you but I know that you can be stubborn and need your time alone. I would not be able to get through to you that night.

I went back into the council chambers then, the meeting still taking place. One of Thorin’s advisors spoke then, _Your brother would be wise to start acting a little more like a prince, like you, and less like a dwarfling._

No one ever said dwarves did not have a temper. _Well at least he is bold enough to show how he really feels about this meeting._ The whole room quieted and with that I took my seat again next to Thorin who was giving me a look of warning from the side of his eye. I never told you about that.

 

* * *

 

We sat under the cover of a rock, sitting by the fire. The orange glow cast shadows across your face, making your features more defined. Your cheekbones looked more sharp, your eyes danced with embers. It took every fiber of my being to not continue to look at you. The halfling asked about Thorin and Balin obliged. I feel as if he did it so maybe Mr.Baggins would understand why Thorin is the way he is at times. I even still wonder this. Thorin could hear the exchange of words as he looked out at the woods, the ponies in front of him. Balin spoke of the battle of Azanulbizar, of Azog the Defiler, of Thrain and of Thror. We lost so many that day but Thorin lost not only his king but his grandfather and father. He went against Azog without a shield, finding only an oak branch to defend against the orcs relentless attacks. He defeated the pale Orc that day, winning us the battle.

_There is one that I could call king._

I believe this is why we are all here, I would follow Thorin to the ends of the earth, to the shores of the ocean and beyond, I know you would be right by my side. I could feel a swelling in my chest at the story, a humming in my veins. I have always looked at Thorin as our uncle, I have always known he was to be king but I could feel it in the air, it cracked with energy and laid heavy around us. The rest of the company could feel it too, for they were all standing as Thorin walked by.

How am I to ever be king? How can I come in line behind these great dwarves and expect to lead our people? I do not know of great battles or tragic loss. Is that what makes a king? These are concerns for another time. That day Azog swore to end the line of Durin. I swear to you this, I pledge myself to you Kíli, that I will protect you at all costs. I will spend my last breath ensuring your safety. What world would this be if it did not have your laughter? Your breath between the trees?

 

* * *

 

We were to be watching the ponies. Of course we didn’t do a very good go of it. I mean, how much trouble could some ponies get into?

I was wrong. We went off, a little ways away from where we had them tied up. You wanted to hunt, I could see how you were becoming restless with nothing but traveling the previous days. I agreed to it, always right there next to you. We came back just a few hours later, night had not even broke yet to find two of the ponies missing. We just stood there staring at the ponies trying to figure out what we should do next. We were always good at communicating without words.

The hobbit walked up on us then, bringing us food. He saw the look on our faces. We quickly explained that two of the ponies had gone missing on our watch. He said we should tell Thorin. That was the furthest thing from our minds. You decided to test his skills as a burglar to get the ponies back from the trolls. We left him there, quickly going off to where he couldn’t see us.

I could see that you were trying not to laugh, your smile having a hard time hiding how you were feeling. I smiled at you then as you looked out at the burglar from behind the trees. One of the trolls grabbed the burglar then and in an instant I saw your demeanor change. You were ready to fight. You have always been brave, the one to go into a fight first. Some how I have been deemed the brave one, have people not noticed it is only because I do it to protect you? I would spend more time rationalizing and strategizing when you are already two steps ahead.

 

* * *

 

Do you remember when we were younger, and our mother would sing to us the Song of Durin on quiet nights?

There was a night, after I had gotten my first braid in my hair. You kept looking at me, I saw your eyes falling to the beads clasped at the end. You spent all day not speaking, I never asked you what was wrong. That night I went into my room, right next to yours. I laid on my bed, looking up at the ceiling. I heard my door creak open. It had been many nights since you had snuck into my room, not since you were smaller anyways.

_Can I sleep in here tonight?_ I didn’t ask you what was wrong, I just moved aside, my back pressing against the wall so that you would have room. You lifted up the furs, crawling underneath beside me.

My heart was in my throat, you seemed to have taken all the air from the room. I thought that you would be able to tell what you were doing to me, see it there in the space between us, and feel it in the cracks in between objects. How my love for you seems to have crawled in between everything, making a home for everyone to see. You were facing me, your fingers reached out to me slowly, hesitant and shaking. I didn’t say anything to stop you, your hands found their purchase. Your fingertips lightly touched the braid resting at the side of my head.

_I do not want us to grow apart._ You words were barely a whisper but I could hear them in the silence, the only sound was the breaths our lungs shared.

I understood then why you hadn’t spoken all day. Did you really think that I would ever let anything come between us? I didn’t know what to do to bring you comfort, seeing you upset always was my weakest point. I wanted nothing more than to press my lips to yours, they were barely inches from mine, I could feel your warm breath ghosting across my face. I feared that it would bring me more comfort than you so I did what mother used to do when you had a particularly tiring day. I sang to you.

_The world is grey, the mountains old, The forge's fire is ashen-cold; No harp is wrung, no hammer falls_

_The darkness dwells in Durin's halls; The shadow lies upon his tomb In Moria, in Khazad-dûm._

_But still the sunken stars appear In dark and windless Mirrormere;_

_There lies his crown in water deep, Till Durin wakes again from sleep._

I stayed quiet, not wanting anyone else to hear. You smiled at me then, your smile reaching your eyes. You started to tire then, closing your eyes. Your hand fell from my hair and landed next to mine on the bed. I felt your fingers touch mine, lacing their way in between. I closed my eyes, taking in a breath before I finished the last lines of the song. We stayed that way the whole night, your hand in mine.

 

* * *

 

I do not know what was louder, the sound of the giants battling or my heart beating in my chest when I thought that I had lost you. I remember the look on your face, fear in your eyes as you were taken from me. For a moment I thought, could you love me that way too? I thought I saw it there in your eyes, panic stretching its way between us into the chasm that now separated us.

 

* * *

 

We laid next to each other in the cave. Your bed roll right next to mine. You slept closer to me that night, no one said anything of it. We laid awake, my eyes looking into yours.

Neither of us could sleep. Your hands found mine, weaving their way in between my fingers. Your skin was fire, burning where I was cold. I shivered at your touch. Your eyes were searching mine, looking for an atlas. I feared you would find the truth in them, how the road to them lead to my heart which was filled with nothing but you.

I looked down there, just looking at our hands, the creases in the skin. You pulled your hand out of mine which caused me to look up at you. You were messing with the back of your hair, you pulled a bead out of it. You pressed the bead into my palm, cool metal against my still warm skin.

_Kíli, I can’t…_ I can’t wear this, what will the others think? What does this mean for us? Do you realize the gesture of what you are doing?

_Shhh. You don’t have to wear it but I want you to keep it. I want you to know that I’m always with you._ You whispered, a small smile playing on your features.

All the air was sucked out of the cave and nothing existed but me and you. It was as it the world had cut out a space for just us and we were living in that moment.

_Think of it as a token._

The word fell from your lips and out into the open making it more real and tangible. Do you know what that means? You know of our culture, why would you say that to me? I could feel the word dancing around me, my fingers wanting to reach out and grasp it, to hold onto it until the end of my days.

Now there was a silver bead in my palm, it's weight heavier than you will ever know.

I closed my fingers around it, pressing it into my skin letting it make its mark. You held up my hand then, pulling it towards you. You placed a feather light kiss on my knuckles.

This is it, this is surely how dragon fire must feel. I should rejoice for I am living through it.

I wanted to tell you, please don’t do this, don’t do this to me for I cannot take it. I bit my tongue, pain coursing through me, copper flooding my mouth, and cherished the fire spreading its way through my body. I closed my eyes, letting myself live in this moment. If I can take any memory with me when I leave this world then this is the one I will choose to take.

 

* * *

 

We escaped Goblin Town, I led the charge out while your archer eyes gave us warning that the goblins were still chasing us. We hit a dead end and were faced with Azog the Defiler. Thorin went out to meet him only to be knocked unconscious. It was not me that was the first to go after Thorin like it should have been. Instead it was the hobbit, showing more courage than I did that night. I will be forever thankful for him, he did what the rest of us could not. He gave me courage when I thought that I had none left.

 

* * *

 

We all watched as Thorin admitted his wrong doings in regards to Bilbo on the carrock. All of us tired beyond reason, bruised, and a little bloody. While everyone was pleased to see that Thorin had finally learned to trust this brave creature all I could do was touch the bead that now rested in my pocket. You stood next to me, your eyes glancing at mine. I closed my eyes as I kept my fingers on the small piece of metal. Every time I open my eyes it is like falling in love all over again.


	2. Unmade

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fili tells Kili how he feels in the dark of the Mirkwood. Their relationship changes drastically as Fili watches Kili fall for Tauriel.
> 
> I will ask the Valar to rewind time, ask them to take back the words that left my mouth. Ask them to take me back to when things were just us.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> special thanks to [baggvinshield](http://www.baggvinshield.tumblr.com) for always being so encouraging and taking the time to beta this

Something has changed between us. It’s in the way you hold yourself around me, the way your eyes linger on me for longer than they should. Have you realized the truth that sits on my tongue, how I choke it down day in and day out?

* * *

We went to the shape changers house in the woods. It offered us protection from the orcs that had been chasing us across fields and through trees.

It was the first time in months where we did not have to sleep outside.

We were restless. We probably should have tried to get sleep but instead we went to the roof of the house, laid down to look up at the night sky. We spend so much time looking at the stars, I do not know if I will be able to go back to not sleeping with them every night. I still see them imprinted when I close my eyes. I never appreciated them until this journey, never knew the beauty that they could hold.

_Thorin told me that one there is Azaghâl, he was slain by the dragon Glaurung._ I pointed to a cluster of silver stars.

_I heard Bilbo tell Thorin that it looks like a spoon._

We laughed. Your laughter filled my ears. It was the most beautiful sound I had ever heard.

* * *

 We were on watch. Well it was just supposed to be me but you offered to do it with me. I couldn’t say no to you, it was selfish of me. I just wanted your company. We were quiet but the silence was comfortable.

I looked up at the sky and saw Azaghal, you looked up too and sighed.

_Do you think when we are gone from this earth that they will make stories about us?_ _Songs and poems?_

_I do not know if I am destined for such great things._

_I think that you are._

_If I am destined for it then it is only because you deem it so._ It is only because of you.

* * *

My hand rested on the back of your tunic, I took a rest. I counted your vertebrae, could feel your breaths rise and fall. I was pressed close to you, feeling your warm breath in the chill air. Our legs were touching, knees to knees.

The air shared between our lungs seemed sweeter.

I wanted to lift up your shirt, run my hands up and down your back, feel the taut pull of your muscles. I let my hand drop from your back and brought it to my side, letting out an exhale. I believe you could tell that something was off. Your hand found mine in the dark, your fingers lacing with mine. When did this become routine?

_What is the first thing you want to do when we reclaim Erebor?_

I want to find a room, one that is far away from the others. I want to claim your lips against mine, feel your skin, tangle my hands in your hair.

_It is not something that I have thought about._

You smiled at me, your eyes shining brighter than the night sky above us.

_I want to go down to the great forges. I want to craft the most magnificent statue imaginable. Possibly one of me, I am rather dashing. I want it to be something grand, something that says we were here, this is our home. When everyone comes back to Erebor I want them to know that we were there when the doors opened._

I laughed. I wanted to lean in. Wanted to feel your lips against mine. Would they be soft? Would you kiss me deeply? _I don’t think when Erebor is rebuilt that it will need statues of you. You will be causing enough trouble in its halls as it, I am certain of it._

Your hands tightened around mine, you feigned shock. _I would never! Think of it though Fee, everything we were ever told will be right there in front of us. We will finally get to live the lives we were always meant to._

_I don’t know Kee, I think I was meant to live this one._

_Oh yeah, these are your trials and tribulations. They will make you a good king indeed._ Your laughter rang out.

I couldn’t argue, couldn’t tell you why it was that I wouldn’t trade this life for another one. _I need to be shaped somehow_ , was my reply instead.

* * *

We were crafted by the mighty Aulë. All of us forged in the darkness, in stone, and brought to light. I was only brought to light when you came into this world. We were made two halves and I wasn’t whole until you were here on this earth, sharing the same air as me.

* * *

I hope that I make you feel alive.

* * *

We are heading into the forest, Gandalf is leaving us. I do not trust that we will make it through these woods without trouble. I can feel the air, it is thick with a darkness.

You looked at me, you could sense my worry.

_I do not think Thorin should be leading us, we might get lost._ I looked at you and you were making a ridiculous face. Laughter rose out of me.

_What is going on back there?_ Thorin called over his shoulder as he made his way into the dark branches.

We smiled at each other and the air felt a little lighter after that.

* * *

The forest had been causing doubts in my mind, weighing heavy on my heart. It is a dark and foul magic that lies in those woods.

We have been walking in circles for hours. I don’t know where the trail is, I feel like we lost it hours ago. I was sure we would die in those woods and you would never know how I felt about you.

I needed to tell you.

* * *

We were at the back of the group, everyone far ahead of us. I had asked you to stay back. We were all becoming a little disoriented. I needed to tell you before my mind was completely gone.

_I love you._

You flinched. Closed your eyes, took a breath.

The world opened up, a chasm created between us.

I felt myself fall into it, felt the world become unbalanced, felt your rejection create a rift between us that I could not get out of.

_Fíli.  
_

You didn’t call me by your name for me. That is how I knew.

I couldn’t hear it, couldn’t stand there and hear your rejection. I shook my head, trying to clear away the picture in front of me. You stood there, your eyes wide, filled with hurt.

I couldn’t have you feel sorry for me.

_I just wanted you to know, in case if we don’t make it out of here_.

I walked away from you then. I was not strong enough to hear what you had to say. You stayed behind for a few minutes. I wanted to turn around, to tell you to get back with the group. I still couldn’t risk you getting lost.

I wanted to sit down in the middle of that forest and never move. I wanted to let the leaves cover me and the earth swallow me whole.

* * *

I started keeping my distance, making sure there was always someone between us.

I heard your voice carry. It was the first time I had heard you speak in hours.

_We will never see the stars again._

My breath caught in my throat. How many nights did we lay awake under the stars, coming up with our own names for them?

Do they mean the same to you as they do to me?

Every single night of the past few months flashed before me.

Your hands, your laugh, your joy, your recklessness. Hundreds of days, thousands of moments.

I thought I was a scholar in the language of you but it turns out it was a language I could not speak.

I will never look at the night sky the same way again.

* * *

Bombur collapsed, or fell asleep. This place put a spell on him. We have to carry him. I am making sure that I am still far enough away from you.

I saw you look at me, could feel your eyes. I did not look at you. I kept my eyes ahead.

_We should start moving if we are to ever make it out of here._ I did not sound like myself, there was a roughness to my voice I could not recognize. You didn’t say anything, you just started moving along with the others.

* * *

The spiders attacked.

I only remember being rescued by Bilbo. What would we have done without him? He is coming to more use for us then I think any of us thought possible.

One of the spiders grabbed you, I screamed your name.

_Kíli!  
_

Help! It was dragging you across the forest floor. I could hear the desperation in your voice.

_Kíli!_ It came out hoarse. I began to run.

Then there were the elves, preventing me from saving you. She was there to protect you, all grace and swift movements. I could see how you looked at her. I looked away then, all that should matter is that you are safe.

They took our weapons, our furs, our armor. Each piece that they took it was like a piece of myself was being taken away.

* * *

I will ask the Valar to rewind time, ask them to take back the words that left my mouth. Ask them to take me back to when things were just us.

* * *

They are taking us into the cells. The elf that was escorting me found another dagger on me. That was the last one. I have nothing left now. The she-elf is taking you to your cell. You don’t seem very upset about our current predicament.

_Aren’t you going to search me? I could have anything down my trousers._

I closed my eyes then, leaning my head against the cool wall. How many times have I watched you flirt with others, watched you willingly give yourself to any dwarf you found attractive? Now I am to watch you try your ways with the she-elf. She will probably fall for you as well.

At least on this journey it had just been us and I didn’t have to watch you with others. Now you are moving on quickly, pretending I never said those words in the woods. I shouldn’t really blame you.

_Or nothing at all_.

I smiled at that. You probably smiled as well. I heard the gates to your cell slam shut.

The blonde haired elf came to her then, they exchanged words. I saw him look at your cell after that. I do not think he likes you very much. _  
_

* * *

I am left with nothing but these cell walls and my thoughts.

You are in the cell a little up from mine. Are you thinking of me in your cell? Of the words that I spoke to you?

* * *

Thorin had spoken with the Elven King. Of course it didn’t go well. He had hope that Bilbo would come for us. I held onto that hope as well for it was the only hope left in me.

* * *

_The stone in your hand, what is it?_ The she-elf is back at your cell again.

_It is a talisman. A powerful spells lies upon it. If any but a dwarf reads the runes on this stone, they will be forever cursed…..or not depends on if you believe in that kind of thing. It’s just a token, a runestone._ _My mother gave it to me so I would remember my promise._

_What promise?_

_That I will come back to her. She worries, she thinks I’m reckless._

_Are you?_

_Nah._ I could hear the smile in your voice. Will I ever make you smile like that again?

I remember when she gave it to you, there were tears threatening to spill from her eyes. _Promise me you will come back to me._

_I promise._ You meant those words too, but still you were always a little reckless even though are swear you are not.

Mother pulled me aside after that. _Promise me you will protect him._

_I swear it_. I didn’t need a token, or a reminder to keep you safe. I know my words were enough for her.

When I came back to you were still talking to the she-elf.

I saw a fire moon once. It rose over the path near Dunland; huge, red and gold it was, filled the sky. We were an escort for some merchants from Ered Luin, they were trading in Silverbuck for furs. We took the Greenway south, keeping the mountain to our left, and then this huge fire moon, right in our path. I wish I could show you.

I didn’t want to hear any more of that memory, of our memory.

We were on ponies as the caravan was behind us. I was leading the excursion and you were right by my side. The sun had set and the moon started to rise over the mountain. You never were too fond of the night, it reminded you too much of being inside mountains. You always loved the outdoors and the sun. That night was different though, it changed something in you. It was huge as you described, red and gold. It illuminated our path in an orange glow. You looked up at the sky as I looked at you.

_It looks like the sun._

_It’s called a fire moon, there was one the night that you were born._

You looked at me then, confusion on your face. _How come no one ever told me and how do you even remember? You were only five._

_Because when you were born you screamed so much that that’s all anyone could remember_. I smiled at you, tried not to laugh as you furrowed your brow. The light reflected off your dark hair causing it to look red, shadows cast across your face making you look more angular but no less beautiful.

I guess that is why you have always preferred the brightness of the day. After that night though, you didn’t seem to mind the night sky so much.

I will continue as is, living through memories of a love that never existed.

* * *

We escaped through barrels. Thorin is right to have so much faith in the hobbit, he has done nothing but get us out of bad situations.

The water splashed into the barrels, onto our faces and clothes. We hit a gate, surrounded by orcs. I was trying to think of what to do, to come up with a plan. You were out of your barrel and running before I could even realize what was going on.

There was a lever for the gate and the orcs were swarming you. I threw a knife I had gotten from an orc that had gotten too close. It landed in its chest and fell back as you made it to the lever.

I heard it before I saw it, the sound familiar. The whiz of an arrow flying through the air. It found its target, hit you in the knee. Your eyes went wide as you fell to the ground.

_Kíli!_ I screamed your name.

I tried to get out of my barrel, had my heart in my throat. I heard another arrow, looked to you but you were looking past me. Tauriel, I believe that is what she said her name was, was the one defending you. She was slaying the orcs with ease, letting her arrows fly. You reached up and pulled the lever. There was still a panic in me though, I shouted your name again. _Kíli!_

You fell into your barrel, the arrow breaking off. You groaned. I wanted to reach out, to grab your hand but the gate was open now and the barrels were moving once more.

* * *

You sat on the shoreline, your hand on your knee. I could see that you were trying to hide the pain that you were in. It was just like when we were younger and you would get hurt, falling out of a tree or getting into a fight with another dwarf and you would try to hide it from me. You are brave and stubborn. I wanted to come to you, to see the damage myself. I know that you wouldn’t let me though, not after what has happened.

_I’m fine, it’s nothing._

I could see the blood seeping through your clothes, making its presence known even through the dampness from the water, could see the wound bleeding you out onto the rocks.

_On your feet._ Thorin called as he led everyone away from the rocks.

_Kíli’s wounded, his leg needs binding._

_There’s an orc pack on our trail, we keep moving._

I clenched my jaw and tightened my fists. Surely you would bleed out.

_Bind his leg, you have two minutes._

I moved quickly. I ripped part of my tunic, wrapping it tightly around your knee. You were biting the inside of your mouth, I could tell from how your jaw was set. Please do not think anything of this, I am not trying to make this harder on you, we have done this routine countless times. It always ends with your blood on my hands.

* * *

Bard the Bowman took us into Lake Town. Thorin, Balin, and Dwalin are arguing over weapons but all I can notice is you in the corner. You slid down the wall, looking pale. You examined your bandage. I think the wound is worse than you are letting on.

* * *

Thorin had a plan to sneak into the armory, to steal weapons and head straight for the mountain. You went into the armory with him and Bilbo, as I stayed on the bottom as look out. I heard a noise, Dori screamed for us to run but it was already too late.

* * *

Bilbo vouched for Thorin, for his word and his honor. I should have spoken up, should have said something but I was too aware of you standing next to me.

There was something bigger than us transpiring, the word of a hobbit vouching for a king.

All I could focus on was how your knuckles had brushed against mine.

* * *

We are setting out for Erebor tomorrow, the Master of Laketown is giving us passage, weapons, and clothes. Everyone is celebrating. I don’t think we have been able to have a drink and relax in what feels like months.

I went to leave the room where you had been sitting, to go down to the feast.

_Fee._ You called out to me, your voice broken.

I stopped in my tracks and turned to look at you. You hair was clinging to your face, skin damp and grey.

_Will you stay with me?_

I wanted to turn away, to run. To leave you there alone so then maybe you would know a fraction of how I feel. I could never do that to you though.

I walked towards you, pulled up a chair and sat down. You gave me a look, one eyebrow raised. I didn’t say anything, we just sat there looking at each other. You moved aside, making room on the bed you were laying on.

I sighed. I climbed in next to you, could feel your body burning against mine. Your hand found mine, weaving our fingers together. I closed my eyes. Surely you must be ill, for I do not think you would be wanting this from me right now.

I want to utter a thousand apologies, want to ask you if I can take back what I said in the woods. _Kíli…_ I began but you shook your head.

_Shhhh. Please, can it just be this tonight? Just this. Don’t leave me._

I nodded my head in agreement.

We stayed like that all night, facing each other. Your eyes were searching mine but I do not know for what.

* * *

_I will carry him if I must!_ I will not have the door to Erebor open and you not by my side.

_One day you will be king and you will understand. I cannot risk the fate of this quest for the sake of one dwarf, not even my own kin._

I knew then what I must do. I was trained my whole life what it would be like to be king, what it is like to be a prince. If being king means that I would have to leave you behind then I do not want it.

I tried to step out of the boat but Thorin put a hand to my chest. _Fíli, don’t be a fool. You belong with the company._

_I belong with my brother._ I pushed past Thorin and made my way towards you. Erebor isn’t my home, my home is where you are.

* * *

We went to the bowman’s house, pleaded with him to help us. You were wrapped in my arms, your head against my chest.

We laid you down on a table, your cries of pain carrying through the house.

_Can’t you do something?_ I needed someone to do something, anything. I felt useless standing there watching you die.

Bofur ran out to get a weed, kingsfoil, I can only hope that it will help.

* * *

The orcs attacked, they found us in Laketown. I had no weapons to defend you, but I would use whatever strength was left in me to make sure you survived this.

It is a miracle that the elves arrived when they did, but I guess I should have known that she was following you as well. Would I not have done the same thing?

The Elven King’s son was with her.

_Tauriel, come._

_We’re losing him._ Oin called out to her. I could see the hesitation on her face.

_Tauriel._

She waited a moment, gave you one last look, then left the room.

She was my last hope for saving you.

_Athelas_. It was her voice still.

_What are you doing?_ Bofur was back.

_I’m going to save him_. She is doing what I cannot.

* * *

I held you down, your head next to mine. I tried to keep you still. I watched her, I prayed to Mahal that this would save you. I cannot live in a world where you are not in it.

* * *

You stopped thrashing around. We all gave you room to heal. My breathing was heavy as I stood in the kitchen watching you.

_I have heard of the tales of the wonders of elvish medicine. That was a privilege to witness._ I had no reply for Oin. I couldn’t sound ungrateful, not after she saved you.

_Tauriel._ You called out to her. You used to call out to me once, when you were younger and you could not push the nightmares away yourself. When you were hurt, when you were happy.

_Lie still._ She smiled down on you.

_You cannot be her. She is far away, sh-she is far away from me. She walks in starlight in another world._ I saw your hand reach out for hers, her fingers lightly touching yours.

If this is love than I am burning. I am Erebor, once mighty and now in scorched ruins. I am broken pillars and smashed stone.


	3. The Golden Age

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Amrâlimê. I marked every single page in every book that I found that word in. Torn corners, bent back covers. Countless hours poring over the word trying to find the meaning. Nights where I stayed up trying to study the word.
> 
> I never wanted to hear that word again. I wanted it cut out from our language, erased from books.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> massive thanks to baggvinshield for taking the time to beta my nonsense

I will stand by, I will swallow my words.

  
I was standing in the kitchen, watching you talk to Tauriel.

  
You were giving her a grin, the one where the corners of your lips are upturned. I’ve seen you use that hundreds of times to get what you want.

  
I remember when this all began. It was because of that lazy half smile, the one that says so much more than your words.

  
Mother had picked some blood oranges and left them in a bowl on the kitchen counter.

  
I went with you hunting out into the woods for a few days and our mother was out of the house with Thorin, when we came back I could smell something sickly sweet in the air. I went into the kitchen to see that some of the blood oranges had gone bad, their acrid smell lingering in the air. Bruised skin and leaking juice.

  
I picked up the bowl to throw them away when you stopped me.

  
_Wait Fee, don’t toss those yet._

  
_Why? They’ve gone bad._

  
_Yeah but the smell is kinda nice_. You crinkled up your nose and then smiled at me, it was this lazy half smile. I stood there staring at you, bowl in my hands, frozen.  
You appreciate things that I don’t, see beauty in things that I cannot. When you hunt, it is like the rest of the world falls away and it’s just you, your bow, and prey. The fierce determination in your eyes before you let an arrow fly. Your strange fascination with this rotting fruit. I had thought to myself in that moment ‘Mahal if I could just love something the way that you do, maybe this life would be just a little brighter’.

  
I fell in love with the way you love things. I just never expected to fall in love with you.

* * *

Sometimes when you were upset you would snap at me, storm off and disappear. I wouldn't know what to do except to wait for you to figure it out on your own.

You pushed me away from you when I tried to help you stand.

If I leave you alone will you figure this out on your own?

* * *

I could feel the heat from flames. We heard it before we saw anything, a great flapping of wings.

  
Smaug was attacking Laketown and we were trying to escape.

  
You were by her side.

  
All I could feel was the fire, the flames licking at our skin, threatening to burn everything but I was already burning.

* * *

When we were growing up we had to spend hours reading ancient texts. The history of our people and the shaping of Middle Earth. I would mark pages in the books, circle words. You used to ask me why I did this and I would say _Because, brother, I do not yet know their meanings._

You would reply _But it's right there in the book._

  
Not like that. I didn't want to know what the books used to describe them. I wanted to feel the words, understand them.

  
_I know how I feel, I’m not afraid. You make me feel alive._

  
You figured out their meanings.

  
You were standing there asking her to give up everything, her duty to her people, to come with you.

  
_Amrâlimê._

  
Amrâlimê. I marked every single page in every book that I found that word in. Torn corners, bent back covers. Countless hours poring over the word trying to find the meaning. Nights where I stayed up trying to study the word.

  
I never wanted to hear that word again. I wanted it cut out from our language, erased from books.

  
You were standing there giving her your heart.

  
Giving her your token.

  
A promise that you would come back to her.

  
I looked back at you. She looked at me. She saw everything written across my face. Hurt, anger, shock, how I was choking it all down. She knew, I’m not ashamed of it.  
For every moment that she loves you she will know that I love you as well.

  
You gave me a token too once. I ran my fingers across the metal bead in my pocket. What promise did you give me?

  
You’re leaving your heart here with her.

  
I’m leaving my heart on these shores, where the water breaks over the rocks. Where my heart will break over and over.

* * *

 

If this is to be the end then I will not regret our time together. I will ensure your happiness if this is what you want. You could have any dwarrow in the world and you fall in love with an elf. I know that you will not care what others will think. I’m sure you have already thought of grand gestures to give to her. Will you give her your heart? Is it already hers? I would rip out mine, still beating from my chest if only you asked it of me. It’s already that though isn’t it? Do you see it bleeding before you?

* * *

I kept looking behind me, making sure you were ok. You looked away every time my eyes landed on you. Alright, I get it, you hate me. I can practically see the words forming in your mind. The sun beating down on us, the air smelling of scorched wood even up here in the mountains where the air looks clearer.

  
But we were almost there, almost to Erebor. I'm not calling it home yet. It isn't home when all I can think about is Ered Luin and a different time. I didn’t think that I would be entering the mountain with such a heavy heart.

* * *

I don’t know if you remember the story, if you do, you have never spoken to me about it. Our mother told us of Thror, of how his lust for gold drove him mad. Thorin was younger than us when he watched it happen. He watched his king, his grandfather, put gold above all else.

  
I could feel it when we entered these halls.

  
It was thick in the air, a darkness that lingers on those objects, talks of glory and whispers of gold.

  
Bilbo came to us, told us not to go any further. It was then I knew.

  
I ran, didn’t say anything, I had to see for myself.

  
_Gold beyond measure, beyond sorrow and grief._

  
Thorin was standing in the gold room. He didn’t know that I was there. Beyond sorry and grief? I believe he thought us dead, there was a sorrow clinging to him, making his movements slower. His body seemed sick, how he held himself, no longer with the confidence but instead slumped shoulders and a heavy head.

  
You came running in behind me, he looked up then, his eyes filled with shock.

  
_Behold the treasure hoard of Thror._

  
I caught a ruby in my hand. I wanted nothing more than to throw it back into the gold, to have it be swallowed whole where I would never have to see it again.  
Thorin was already succumbing to the sickness.

  
This is our curse.

* * *

It was like every bone in my body had been broken, reshaped, and mended to a new version of myself. A version that refused to acknowledge my love for you.

* * *

Your collar bones, the rise and fall of your chest.

  
I was watching you while you helped to move the stones to build a line of defense. Sweat on your brow, face pulled in frustration. I wanted to go to you, to talk to you of Thorin and his sickness but I could not bear the thought of your rejection again.

* * *

With space and time you would learn to forgive me and I would learn not to love you.

* * *

Maybe in another life, in another world, you could have loved me as well and when I said I love you, you wouldn’t have flinched and I wouldn’t have walked away.

* * *

We were becoming strangers.

* * *

I struggled with how much I wanted you. Battled myself constantly. I thought about you too much, too wildly for my own good. Do not mistake my silence for indifference or think that it is because I had moved on. I am still here, you are still my constant even though I am not yours.

* * *

I stood on the ramparts looking up at the sky. Every silver fleck made me think of you, think of her. My hands clenched on the stone, feeling the cold rough material press into me. I couldn’t even have this, the stars no longer belonged to me, to us.

I have nothing without you.

* * *

I would take every stone and rebuild it, every broken statue. I would melt all this gold to build you a kingdom and call it home if it meant that you would stay. I've only ever wanted to build a home for us.

* * *

I will love you until there is nothing between my lungs but decay and this world is rebuilt anew.

* * *

Things that are easy to learn, things that are not.

Like how you don't like blueberries because they stain your fingers. That's easy to learn.

How Thorin is the one that taught you archery and how you would stand outside for hours with your fingers bleeding and Thorin would have to come find you and wrap your fingers in bandages and tell you that you would get better with time and you shouldn't be expected to be good at it right away. The hours that you laid awake at night, fighting back tears from the pain in your fingers. How I crawled into your bed with you, pulled you close to me, kissed your fingertips. That is something harder for others to learn about you, something you don't let others know so easily.

Or how you like to take naps in the sun, that's something easy to learn.

Will she learn these things the same way I did?

* * *

We went out one night. Drinking ale. Mug after mug. You fell into my lap, laughing. Your breath smelled like wheat, strong from the ale. I breathed you in. You sat there so long my legs felt like they were being pricked with a thousand needles. I didn't mind though.

I was constructing a palace of fragments and memories.

* * *

If I have a dragon sickness it is for you.

* * *

I could see the anger building in you. I hear you talking about how you want to fight, to join the others in battle. You speak of how wrong it is, what Thorin is doing, you say it when he isn’t around. As if your words don’t carry down these empty halls. He is already hearing whispers, and now he will hear yours as well.

  
I know you will go without anyone with you. I know you will do what you believe to be right.

  
_I will talk to him laddie, there is no need for you to do so_. Dwalin said as he stood up from the stone that he was sitting on. I could see it there, between all of us. That unspoken thing the size of a dragon resting there, how all of us were terrified of what Thorin will do.

  
I could see how restless you were, the fidgeting of your hands, tremors in your legs as if you were ready to run at any moment.

  
Do I run with you?

* * *

I decided to talk to Thorin before Dwalin could get to him. He was in the throne room, sitting on his broken throne, crown placed on his head. My heart was pounding as I saw the far off look in his eyes. His jaw squared when he saw me, his back straightened, the posture of a king taking its form on him. Something stirred in me as I approached him.

  
_Was this everything you’ve ever wanted? The treasure hoard of Thror? Your home in ruin?_

  
Thorin didn’t say anything to me, his eyes boring into mine, searching and calculating.

  
_You almost killed Bilbo!_

  
_I do not think you should be one to be talking nephew. You were willing to throw away Erebor for a single dwarf._

  
_The dwarf is your blood, your family. There was a time when you would have put that above all else._ I gestured to the bleak stones surrounding us. Nothing like I had ever imagined. I thought that there would have been a gleam to them but all I saw were dull stones of a desolate kingdom.

  
Thorin was still in there somewhere, buried under these furs and jewels. The creature in front of me was just a shell covered in nice things that were tainted with a disease that seemed to be seeping into every pore on his skin.

  
_You would do anything for him?_

  
It felt as if all the air had been sucked out of this vast room.

  
_Yes._

  
He looked at me then, his eyes sharp and narrow, fingers clenched around his throne, knuckles turning white.

  
_Your loyalty should be to me and not to him._

  
_He is my brother!_

  
_And I am your **king!**_

  
Thorin was off of his throne now, standing in front of me. Looming over me, elevated by the dais. My hands clenched at my sides. His shadow cast over me, pulling what little light left from the room into darkness.

  
_Not one that I am willing to follow._ My decision was made. I would follow you, I would always follow you.

  
_Get out_.

  
I could see the dragon awakened in him, fire in his eyes, gold lust in his heart.

  
_Kili is getting ready to go over the ramparts to fight without you, and I will follow him._

  
_Get out!_ His words were that of a dragon, low and snarling. I swear I could feel heat on my face as I left the throne room.

* * *

I walked down a hall, not caring where I was going. I needed to get away, be somewhere where I could hear my own thoughts. I could feel a rage boiling inside of me, tearing away at me, telling me to turn around and confront him again.

  
_Fili._

  
My eyes closed. I would recognize your voice over anything else. It carries in these halls. I didn’t say anything. I had just left the throne room, my nerves on edge. I kept walking, hoping that you would not call for me again.

  
_Fee._

  
I never thought I would hear that again.

  
I turned to look at you. You were hurt. I could see it there, in the shadows under your eyes. I didn’t say anything.

  
_…Fee._ Your words where a whisper, soft and sweet carrying to my ears. You were so close I could feel warmth radiating off of you.

  
We didn’t speak. You reached out for me, I didn’t move.

  
Your fingers found mine, my hands were trembling. I could have stayed there with you like that forever, could have let the war outside rage on and have everything end with my hand in yours.

  
I could feel your eyes on me, looking me up and down. You moved closer to me, our bodies almost touching. What I wouldn’t give to just close the gap between us, to tilt my head up and put my lips to yours.

  
It was like everything fell back into place, our silent communication. As if you knew what I had been thinking you moved even closer, our chests pressing together. I looked up, my eyes searching yours.

  
I was nervous, could feel my heart in my chest. Your eyes were searching mine slowly, I could see a question on the tip of your tongue.

  
You leaned down, our lips almost touching, our breaths lingering together.

  
_Fee._ You said my name like it’s the most important word in the world. As if the one word holds more meaning than anything else. You were saying it like a prayer, how I’ve always said yours. You exhaled, your breath rolling into my mouth. I inhaled, pulling it into my lungs.

  
Your lips found mine then.

  
I thought about this a thousand different ways but none of them could compare to this.

  
Your lips were soft, moving slowly against mine.

  
This was the storm, raging clouds, claps of thunder, flashes of lightning.

  
You pulled away from me, falling to your knees. Your hands wrapped around my waist, your face pressed into me. I could feel a wetness seeping through the cloth and onto my skin.

  
_I should have said it. I should have said it that day in the woods._ You were repeating your words, to console which one of us I do not know.

  
I tried to bend down but your grip was tight around me. _I should have said it._ You were still repeating this, each word breaking more than the one before it. I ran my fingers through your hair in attempt to comfort you. Your grip on me tightened, pulling me down to my knees so we were once again level. The stone was hard against my bones but all I could see was tomorrow’s dawn in your eyes.

  
Your lips pressed to mine again, salt mixing in from the tears that were still slowly sliding down your features. _I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry._

  
I didn’t move back, just kept us close as I moved one of my hands down your back. My other reached up, wiping away a tear that had just escaped your eyes. Your body was shaking, your nails digging into my shirt and into my skin. I didn’t know what to do so I started to sing quietly to you the Song of Durin.

  
You pulled back a little, your eyes wide as you looked at me. It always comforted you when we were younger.

  
You pulled me to you roughly, your lips pressing against mine once more.

  
This was the crash of waves, the vast ocean, dark depths, still waters and raging storms all at once. I was drowning.

  
You pulled away, still close enough that our lips were still touching when you spoke. _I love you._ The words went into my mouth and I pulled them down into my lungs. This would be the pinnacle of my memories. I wanted to remember every line in your face, the adoration in your eyes.

  
_Take me somewhere._ You whispered to me as I pulled you to stand.

* * *

_If we start this then I won't be able to stop._ My voice was filled with desperation, leaking into the space between us. My eyes searched yours so you could see how this was effecting me. I saw something in yours that I had never seen before, dark brown with pupils that had bloomed.

_Then don't stop_. You pulled me down to you on the bed, your lips crashing against mine. It was the colliding of stars. The room smelled of dust but neither one of us seemed to mind.

Your hands were on me. Hands, knuckles, skin against skin. Your tunic rising up, your hands at my trousers. Your bottom lip between my teeth.

My legs were trembling, hands shaking as my hands roamed under your tunic to feel the hair scattered across your body.

  
Whispered prayers, my hands and tongue worshiping your body. Every word I had ever learned put into this moment.

  
Clothes on the floor, my hands on your body, learning you like I would lose my sight.

  
Your lips against my throat placing burning kisses on my skin.

  
This was dragon fire, sickness, and our curse laid out before me. It is your body, soul, and mind. It was me wanting to be consumed by you. It was taut muscles, sweat slicked skin, slow and hard thrusts. It was the burn of feeling myself inside of you. It was understanding what it was like to be whole and wanting more at the same time.

  
It was all of my love put into every touch of our skin.

* * *

 

We were laying there, our hands linked together. _After the battle, I want us to pledge ourselves to each other._ My eyes went wide at your words. It was something that I had always wanted to do, to claim you as mine.

_Mahal yes_. I would do it in front of all of Middle Earth if you would let me. I rolled onto you, pulling your hips flush against mine. I bit down on your neck.

  
_And when you’re king I will be your consort._ You moaned as you rutted against me. I could feel the heat pooling in me once more. I bit down harder, imaging you standing next to me wearing the consort’s crown.

  
I let you take me apart then and rebuild me.

* * *

I was the only one standing as we were all waiting around to see if Thorin would change his mind. I was standing because I wanted to be ready for whatever you wanted to do.  
Thorin came to us then, asking us to fight with him.

  
He went to you first, putting his forehead to yours. I could see the tension lifting from you then. He had come back to us, the sickness finally leaving his mind.  
We took off our armor, we knew none of us would make it back.

  
You kissed me then, in front of everyone. I let your lips claim mine. If this was to be the last time then it is what I wanted my last memory of you to be.

* * *

The clash of swords, crimson flowing under our feet. We went to Raven Hill. I wanted nothing more than to protect you, I told you to go. It was too quiet, I knew what must be lying ahead of us. I didn’t want you to be around for what was to come.

* * *

A sharp pain blooming in my chest. The cold hard earth, snow falling on my skin.

  
Your lips, your hair, the crinkle in your eyes. The smell of blood oranges. Your lazy half smile. Your skin against mine. How your hands would clasp around my braids when you would want my attention and when you were sleeping. Your voice. _I love you._

* * *

I woke a week later to the feel of your hand in mine.

  
_Fee._ You were crawling into the bed next to me. Your hands around my face. I winced in pain but I had never seen a sight more beautiful.

  
_Careful Kee._ I smiled as you leaned down, your lips pressing to my neck.

  
_I’ve been so worried about you._

  
_He refuses to sleep anywhere else._ Thorin walked into the room then. You didn’t bother to move away from me, instead you seemed to get closer. _Bilbo has resorted to bringing him food in here_. Thorin had sat on the edge of the bed, his hand resting on my leg.

  
There was something he wasn’t saying, hidden there behind his smile. _When you are better we have much to discuss._

* * *

_I wish to retire to the Shire, to be with Bilbo._

  
I wanted to ask him about Erebor, about our home but I knew if he felt for Bilbo the way that I feel about you then this is what he needed to do.

  
_You will be a good king, much better than I would have been. You have already become much more than myself._ Thorin had put his arm on my shoulders. _You will have the support that you need, a council to help you make decisions and a very outspoken soon to be consort._

  
I could feel the blush as it crept up my cheeks.

  
_I am glad you two have each other._

  
_And I am glad you have Bilbo._

  
Thorin smiled at me then, a smile I had not seen on him in a very long time. It reminded me of yours.

  
_He is much more than I deserve._

  
_When will you be leaving?_

  
_After your coronation._

  
It was the beginning of all things.

* * *

We went out into the woods before the coronation. Your bow slung across your back. I watched you as you let arrows fly.

  
This was it, the meaning of love. It was in the way you looked at me, the curve of your lips when they’re pressed against mine. It was in between these trees, moments that it was just you and me. It was the sound of my name passing from your lips, your laugh, your temperament. It was holding you at night, feeling the heat from your body. The bead that you gave me that was now resting at the end of a braid. Every moment leading up to this one.

  
It’s every moment for the rest of our lives.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's over??????!!!!??!!!!??!!! I hope that everyone enjoyed it. you can reach me on my tumblr if you ever need to cry about FiKi.

**Author's Note:**

> you can follow me on [tumblr](http://www.filiandkiliheirsofdurin.tumblr.com)


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